T. Michelle Johnson
For years you struggled with insecurity, heartache, body image, anxiety, stress, or one of the countless other issues that plaques us on a daily basis. But then you decided to make a change that transformed your whole life. You finally chose you first. You dealt with your mental, emotional or physical health and well-being. Now you feel amazing about yourself, but others around you are constantly criticizing you by saying that you’ve changed. You deny it, but the reality is that you have changed - for the better.
If that’s the case though, why would anyone, especially your significant other, be upset with you about that? Well, the answer is simple.
The people that benefit the most from you being unhealthy emotionally and/or physically feel and think that they are about to lose you.
People with a savior complex and serious insecurities of their own are attracted and drawn to others who have certain insecurities. While we think that we are masking these insecurities, we usually are not that good in doing so.
If your partner is not supportive of your life altering transformation, then the dynamics of your relationship changes for the worse. The change is good, but not for your partner.
The non-supportive partner has his or her own insecurities and now fears that you will leave them.
Despite financial or career success, your insecurities as a result of you being unhealthy in other areas of your life allowed your partner to maintain a good amount of control over you and keep you at bay. When you realize that your situation needs to improve, our partners think that you will be done with them any day now. The thought of being alone and having to manipulate someone else is unbelievably uncomfortable for them and they will do everything in their power to keep you from leaving them. That everything includes making you feel guilty, arguing, cheating, and a host of other things. That is their way of asserting their control over you.
Ironically, it never occurred to you that your transformation would have a negative effect on your relationship. In fact, you thought it would improve it.
So, what do you do when your amazing new and improved body, health, career, or mindset threatens one of the most important people or relationship in your life?
We’ll you have several options:
1. Calmly communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner about their behavior and see if they’re willing to express their own feelings or willing to change;
2. If that doesn’t work, go to counseling. Preferably with your partner, but if he or she is not willing to attend, then go it alone. A therapist may offer additional suggestions as to how to approach the situation;
3. When counseling doesn’t help change the situation, then ascertain whether or not this is the best situation or relationship for you. However, if fights or arguing continue, distance yourself physically from that person until calmer heads can come together.
4. After giving 100% in trying to improve the relationship for a period of time with no change or success, then it’s time to accept the fact that in order to live your best life, that the two of you need to go your separate ways.
You only live once, and you absolutely deserve to be only in healthy relationships.
Your transformation was for your well-being. If those closest to you don’t respect that, give them no choice but to respect your decision to remove them from your life. When you release that stress and baggage, you avail yourself to attract other quality partners for healthy relationships.
It is possible to have it all, you just need the knowledge, information and belief to get you there!